Category: Musings

Rambling thoughts

  • Origin of the Phrase

    The most common questions that people ask when they see this site is Murder Hobo Club? Really? What the Hell? Are you advocating getting together to murder the homeless? Or are you homeless murders who share tips? Are you insane? What the hell are you thinking?

    Well, the phrase murder hobo is something that has some resonance for me. For reasons I can’t understand, it’s something that has come to mind randomly over the last few years. I think I originally heard it on the Order of the Stick forums, or the Pathfinder forums. It referred to a style of gaming that I think has become all too common. The characters, the heroes of the narrative, rather than having a noble goal, end up wandering around, with no ties to a society, randomly murdering monsters, some of which have been proven to be intelligent. And for the most part, rather than questioning the implications of such actions, gaming culture has glorified them.

    I recall one public roleplaying game that I was playing in, during which the majority of the damage done to the party was the result of my chemist character throwing around magical molotov cocktails. He was being effective, the enemies rarely had a chance to harm any of the party members. From one point of view, this was a well built character. He efficiently removed the opposition to the party.

    From another point of view, he was something of a monster. Even if he was doing the right thing, for the right reasons, he going about it the wrong way. He had completely disregarded the advice of Nietzsche. He had quite clearly become a monster, while fighting monsters.

    At that point, he and the party of adventurers, they weren’t heroes, they were wandering murder hobos. Around then, I realized that something just wasn’t quite right and I took a break from playing that character.

    Later, I was running a public game and I realized that I hadn’t been alone in my descent from hero to monster, it was something more common to the gamer experience. While most systems have rules that make it less likely that you’ll do splash damage to innocent civilians, many systems have impressive destructive powers that would have at the very least a psychological impact on the civilians who observe your actions. Rather than praising these “adventurers”, writing songs about them, looking up to them, and all the things that these grateful villagers supposedly do, it seems more likely that they’d either be hiding from the party, or getting out the pitchforks and trying to chase them out of town.

    The shift towards anti-heroes in fantasy media and geek culture isn’t something new, but I think in many cases the consequences of this shift are neglected or ignored.

    When I’m playing Shadowrun, I know I’m taking on the role of someone who lives outside the system, as the game is about being a deniable asset. While it is possible to create a party who are all on the right side of the law, this is not the expectation or the norm. It’s understood that you’ll be breaking the law, and getting well paid for it. It is a game that focuses on the many shades of grey.

    Fantasy Roleplaying games, and by that I mean games in the style of Dungeons & Dragons or Pathfinder, tend to assume that the party are heroes. The core assumption is that you are the good guys, trying to save the world from the forces of darkness.

    Both D&D and Pf have the 2 Axis of Alignment, Order vs Chaos and Good vs Evil. There are plenty of memes and postings out there talking about how alignments gets abused, and for the most part, it gets treated like a joke. After all, these are games, we are playing them for fun; we’re rolling dice to enjoy a story with friends, to relax. To get a chance to escape from the stress and mundane aspects of our ordinary lives. So, why take them seriously?

     Well, at some point, we realized that the idea of role playing had some merit as a tool in psychotherapy. We realized that being able to play out various scenarios helped us to engage with ideas on a less cerebral way than merely thinking about them. So, if role playing is valid as a psychological tool, then shouldn’t we consider the psychological aspects of our roleplaying?

  • Before Noir

    Tonight, Noir happens. Friends of mine will be there. I could go and join them. In previous years, I’d have planned to celebrate the fact that I’ve survived yet another trip around the sun. I’m going to be a designated driver tonight, so that won’t be an option. Even without that it’s been a while since I’ve had more than a drink with a meal.

    Alcohol as a social lubricant bothers me these days. The idea of buying someone a drink seems distasteful, but not in a way I can explain clearly. Perhaps it is the fact that the effects of alcohol tends to lead to stupidity and I prefer intelligence.

    I’ll probably have an alright time if I go, so I might as well go. I just have this feeling a few years ago I’d have been more enthusiastic and that I’ve lost something along the way.

  • Netrunner at Magic Stronghold

    Today: a Netrunner tournament at a local gaming shop with my friend Dimestore; (At least that’s his nom de net).

    It’ll be first constructed tournament, and my second Netrunner tournament overall.

    My corp deck, I’m pretty comfortable with, I’ve played it a few times and I know what it needs. Then again, I swapped out a handful of cards last night and I’m not sure how much impact that’ll have.

    My runner deck, not so much. Its been evolving over the last little while, but I’ve not played it enough. It’s been virtually scrapped twice in the last 24 hours. I started with a something that straddled two different ideas,  but its now much tighter and focused mostly on a single concept now.

    Odds are good I’ll write up a summary after the tournament, with some thoughts on what worked and what didn’t. There’s two more tournaments coming up next month and I’ll be able to play in both of them.

    Right now, I’m riding the bus and I’m typing up this post as a way to clear my mind and warm up my brain. To me, it feels like the writing style is different than my usual style, but I’m not sure how much that’ll come across. I feel like I’m being more deliberate and less casual about my word choice.

    On some level, that’ll be because I’m typing on the phone, and I have to concentrate more on the typing than I do when I’m at a keyboard.

    I’ll get there shortly, I’ll get registered, then have a coffee while I wait for things to get started. Or maybe a hot chocolate, since I don’t need the caffeine jitters.

    An hour later, registration is done, maintenance has been taken care of and people are socialising before the tournament.

    Given the number of people attending, its unlikely I’ll be taking home one of the prizes today. This one has prizes for the top 8, so my odds weren’t terrible if only a dozen people showed up, but I think we are at twice that number.

    I had my coffee at the Starbucks after I arrived. The app told me it was free because of my upcoming birthday; a pleasant surprise.

    I’m not sure a peppermint mocha was the best choice. It was tasty, but I’m feeling a little bit twitchy. Hard to tell if its the caffeine or the nerves.

    Still, I’m not here for victory, as much as I might covet getting a cool play mat, I’m here to have a fun social Saturday.

    Afterwards I’ve got to run some errands and then I’ve committed to heading down to Noir. In theory I should take my violet wand with me, and do some electrical play demos.

    And now, it begins.

    The first match up is over. My runner deck lost, a combination of card draw issues and memory issues. My corp deck won due to the timer rule. It was close though. Initially my adjustments and his choice of runner threw me off, as the math was slightly different than I was expecting.

    Time for a bite to eat, then the next round.

    Dimestore lost one and tied one, the tie being one he had the advantage on, but the time wasn’t on his side. He tends to play rather slowly, so this isn’t unexpected. His matchup had the amusing coincidence of a set of neutralisation elements for the other players ability.


    Next round was Dimestore and I, which was a brutal matchup. We’d played each other a few times, so it was a semi predictable battle. Our first battle took forever, but I managed to just barely win. Our second match was high speed, as we had less than 20 minutes to play the entire game. My opening hand was amazing, his was a stalled hand. He had a deadly deck, but I managed to stay alive.


    My third match up is against Nels of Terminal Seven.

    That was a hell of a pair of games. I’ll need to actually write them up in detail for the Netrunner geeks, but suffice it to say that it was bizarre. The first game was one of the longest I’ve played in a while. We finished with less than 10 minutes left. And then started the second game, which ended with a 4-3 time over victory.

    It was some of most fun I’ve had in a while.

    Fourth game, I’m feeling burnt out. I suspect a sugar crash. I should have planned better in terms of caffeine and snacks.

    I lost both games, my worst pair of matches of the day.

    Fifth round, I got a bye. I’m not sure what that means in terms of my overall ranking, but I don’t think it’s a good sign. Still, it’s been an interesting day. I’ve still got to run those errands before heading down to Noir, but I’m quickly running out of time.

    So, got the final rankings, and I came in 15th out of 20 players. Dimestore came in 19th. He was happy not to be dead last.

  • A blank page

    A blank page is an intimidating thing, more so when it’s the first page of something greater. A single page can easily be crumbled up and thrown away, but a page that is part of a book leaves evidence of its passing when removed.

    They say the first step is to write something, write anything. If you’re happy with it, great. Most of the time, you aren’t, and but if you focus on getting to be happy with it, you’ll never get into that place where the words flow effortlessly from your fingers as fast as they come to you mind. Or at least to the place where you can manage to put something down and you don’t erase it moments after.

    For me, this has always been a problem initially. I’ve had trouble getting started, getting comfortable with the tone. So, the initial post that will be going up won’t be much more than rambling as I try to warm up a set of skills that I’ve let lie fallow for the last little while.

    Prior to this, most of the writing I had been doing was for Erotic Vancouver, trying to contribute to the local alternative community. I’ve written a couple of pieces, and I’ve enjoyed working with them. Hopefully in the future I’ll write more pieces, but while writing for them I am always aware that what I say needs to be acceptable to their brand. This hasn’t been much of an issue in practice, but the idea of that has always added to my anxiety about my writing. It’s that vague gnawing in the back of your mind, that what you’ve written isn’t good enough yet. That it doesn’t convey what you meant it to say, that it’ll be misread and it’ll offend people. That concern is more present when you’re writing about something that has an inherent probability of offending. Many of the articles I’ve wanted to write have been fraught with that feeling.

    So, instead of feeling like I’ll damage the reputation of Erotic Vancouver and its spearhead, Reive, I’ve now got this place to write what I think. If I write something I think works for EV, I’ll leave a copy on his virtual desk, and if it doesn’t work there, it’ll go here. And if something I write here works for EV, maybe he’ll ask me to put up an expanded version over there.

    I’ve posted some of my ramblings in other places, but this is the first time I’ve made a serious effort to have a place for my ideas, distinct and unique. And I think that’s something that deserves some exploration and perhaps an explanation, though how much can actually be explained, I’m not so sure of.

    Over on Erotic Vancouver, I’m known as Ashton, because that’s my name, and I felt that in a Erotic/BDSM/Kink context, Gravedigger might put people off. I wanted people to take my writings seriously, and while there is potentially some risk to my future in having those writings out there under that name, I felt it made more sense than a pseudonym.

    Speaking of the pseudonym Gravedigger, it’s one that was given to me about a decade back, and part of a story that I will likely tell here one day when I lack inspiration about something to write up and also feel like I haven’t updated in a bit.

    The sketch that was used for my tattoo, with a simple gradient background
    The sketch that was used for my tattoo, with a simple gradient background
  • The Embodiment Social Conscience

    When we lived in smaller social structures, it was easy to be able to perceive who was contributing what to a community. In theory, we would know if someone wasn’t able to pull their own weight and why; since everyone would know if we weren’t pulling our own weight, it would be harder to shirk our duties. As societies expanded, we had more people to keep track of, and instead of tracking individuals, we began tracking groups and cliques within the society. Strategies develop for dealing with this issue, including internal grape vines. Just as societies develop specific individuals tasked with other tasks that would have previously been the shared responsibility of the tribe, a new role develops inside the system, and thus Journalism is born. Initially, the job is simple, to collect and redistribute knowledge so that the society has a better understanding of the things that individuals may understand need fixing, but often have yet to be addressed. The more awareness brought to a problem, the more likely a solution will be developed. As society gets more complicated, and traditional social codes are replaced with laws, these problems potentially have a greater depth and breadth of complexity. The position of journalist becomes one requiring greater skills and one that has greater value to the society. This greater value results in the office being hijacked and converted into pieces of the propaganda engine. Over time, various individuals adjust what it means to be a journalist; how we perceive this embodiment of social conscience. On a grander scale, this social conscience has become less about giving us the truth and more about giving us something to digest, shifting from the role of truth teller to the role of entertainer. There are some individuals who have managed to develop the telling of truthful story into an art, that that is something I greatly respect.

  • Sacrificial Wisdom

    I hate to be the one to tell you this, but this whole ritual sacrifice thing going on here, while very nice, just isn’t going to work out the way you’ve planned it. Allow me a moment to explain.

    The great old ones, they’re kinda like food critics. If you can manage something pleasing to their palate, they’ll provide you with plenty in return. But, they’re really picky and easily bored.

    You try to serve them the same old sacrifice they’ve had before, odds are they won’t hate it, but they won’t like it either. You’ll get a middling review, they’ll spare your life, blah blah blah.

    That’s why most of these rituals don’t work. They might have worked, once, back in the day, when they were new, and that’s how the recipe got written down in the first place, but following the same recipe isn’t going to cut it.

    Of course random improvisation isn’t always such a great idea either. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumours of rituals gone horribly wrong, and mess that results. That’s them being displeased. There usually aren’t many details, but the pattern is there, if you look for it.

    There are occasionally those that get it right and gain whatever it was that they wanted badly enough to perform the damn ritual in the first place, but those are few and far between.

    Just between you and I, I think it’s more a case of a lucky accident than anything else. But you’re the high priest, you’ve got the fancy altar and the pointy knife, I’m sure you know best.